A full and frank explaination on what happened to me last night.
tenshianna
A few of you may have seen me tweeting some very morose thoughts on twitter last night or even on a few occasions before.

I should have written up a journal to explain a long time ago what's going on with me when this happens, but found myself too scared to do so. I think now is the time to explain.


Here we go...Collapse )


I hope this clears some questions or thoughts people have on it.

<3

(no subject)
tenshianna
Depression is creeping around me today.

There's so much I want to say but can't. Everytime I try I get scared. But it doesn't matter. I just have to keep on working. Keep working.

Watercolour Sketches for a fiver!!
tenshianna
I don't do this often. In fact... I've never done anything like this, but I've got myself into a little bit of trouble with the ol banks and now I'm reaching out for a little help.

I recently left my job as I have pretty major depression. It's been really really hard to deal with. I have however begin seeing the doctor and have been put on meds, will be getting CBT. So I'm not just wallowing. However, as a result, I've been left without any means to pay my bank debt off for the next month ^_^;

So I've made a decision to do what I can to stay afloat just for this month. I'm appealing for a bit of help.

What I propose is, if anyone is able to donate £5, I will draw you a watercoloured sketch, of any request you have, or a surprise if you like! and I will post you the original! £5 for a watercolour painting by moi! HOMG amazing I know!

I hate just asking for money for my own mistakes, but I really need to do what I can to stay out of serious trouble this time.

Even if you can only spare a little bit, I'll make sure to send at least a sketch to everyone who can help. be it 1p or a million billion pounds!! *ahem* sorry

Thanks for reading





Anna~











He did indeed call her Lynx
tenshianna


 

Why? I dunno, cos she smelled bad I guess.

 

Smelled a bit too bad in my opinion.

“Why Anna..” I hear you cry “What are you on about? your fictional character cannot smell, for she is a drawing that you do several times in different poses with words in a thing beside it, she cannot smell!” Well dear reader, I didn’t mean literally, and by the rules of fiction, she can smell within the story, but I digress.

We are not here to discuss the nasally offensive wafts of a drawing of a girl, but the visually offensive wafts of the first half of Part 2.

In short, I hate it. Hate hate hate hate HAEET!!!

 

*ahem* excuse me.

 

“Anna! get to the point! you’re talking crap because you have a freezing issue when it comes to writing and find it impossible to know what to say when something needs to be said in a professional manner and so instead, bullshit your way along and…”

 

Yes, yes, I WAS getting there, but you were looking at me funny and…. *sigh*

 

I hated what I did for the first half of Part 2. Now, technically, a lot of the art was a small step above the art of part 1. And, okay, so I don’t hold Part 1 as my finest creation EVAR!!! No, its pretty rough looking, in some parts its downright ugly…

 

"You callin' me ugly, beeyotch?"

*whistles with embarrassment*

 

But even though I feel I could take Part 1 on again and kick it’s ASS… I don’t think I want to. It has a… sentimental place in my heart. I made the vast majority of it in about two months. It came as I started, quit, started and quit again and again on creating the story we now know as BW. I Knew all along I wanted to do a story about a stupid, messed up, and very angry gal with a daaaaark passst! (the originality! IT BURNS!!) But I never quite knew how to do it. Who was she? and more importantly, where was she from?

 

Every time I attempted to start BW, I got stuck.  I made… 6 separate attempts, all ditched. After all those false starts I realised finally what was wrong. I never thought to start at the beginning. Each one of my serious attempts (where I was doing it FOR SRS! about 3 attempts) Starts off in the second city, the bright, hippy, messy and colourful city of witches. There lives, and is settled, a bad tempered runaway soldier from the dark evil city of evil by the name of Juno. Why was she living there? eeeh… I’ll make that up as I go along!

When I started this (and very final) version, I decided, fuck it, I’m going to start in the BAD place! The EVIL DISTOPIA that our tempestuous friend comes from. And that’s where my real passion ended up emerging from. All of a sudden I was creating a world that stole my heart. Instead of making it a typical EEEEVIL NECRO CITY OF DOOOOOM *coughfakemidgarcough*I said NEIN!!! I was gonna make this a world built of romance, everything I love, Art Deco, European architecture, light snow, dark nights and fancy fancy fur.

So I created what we have now, loved every moment of it. Right now, I can’t bear to look at it it’s so ugly, but when I close my eyes, I do love it deep down. It’s my ugly baby.

"oh that's it, you gunna get Lynxslapped"

SHUT UP YOU ARENT EVEN REAL!

 

*cough* excuse me…

 

So, that’s Part 1, ugly as sin, but will always have a place in my heart. But what about Part 2? Doesn’t it have a place in my heart also? Well, when it gets into it, yes, from about halfway in I had a vision, I knew what I wanted to do with it. But I got caught where I always do, in the beginning. I honestly hadn’t a clue what I was doing in those first few pages, that first dream sequence. I knew I wanted to have one last hurrah in Minoka, I didn’t realise after Part 1 how much I loved drawing it, creating it from love. I didn’t want to leave it behind just like that. Honourable intentions, sure, but what I ended up doing was a mess. The first page was a mess, even by Part 1 standards. The colours and lighting were sickening and the sense of space and surrounding, the sense of environment was abysmal.

 

Shite

I just couldn’t stand it any longer. I had to replace it. I want this comic to be the best it can. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m no perfectionist (as I’m sure you can tell XD) But the fact is, in Part 1, I put EVERYTHING in to it. I worked and worked into the night. it was rushed, yes, but by GAWD did I work. From the second half of Part 2 on, I WORKED. I’ve poured every bit of me, pancreas and all, into every page. But for the first half of Part 1 I did not.

This past couple of months, Ive redrawn and rewritten from the cover to page 19. And believe you me, I worked. I worked so hard, one of my eyes sloped downwards slightly… *ahem* injoke, sorry

 

So I Present to you all, the New, Part 2; pages 1-19

 

I hope people enjoy it, and more importantly, understand it XD

 

Anna~


General blogging & me
tenshianna
So you may or may not have noticed, I am pretty dreadful with.. well writing anything at all online, be it forum posts or journals, blogs, whatever. I don't know what it is, but in person, I can waffle on like there was no tomorrow, but in writing, I freeze, I just do not know what to say. So I end up just saying "naah, I'll leave it" and so I do, leaving my poor ol LJ and copious other blogs empty ;_;

Dreadful, I know. I think it stems from my childhood (what doesn't XD) when I was being taught to write. I was never really a fast learner, I never paid attention, but I wasn't a bad kid, I didn't mean it. I remember one evening when my parents were desperately trying to get me to write in one of those handwriting copybooks, you know the ones, with all the extra lines. I just remember me doing it wrong, and my parents screaming at me, making fun of me ( Very stressed out folks, liked to shout ^_^;) I think cos of that sort of stuff, it just makes me not want to write at all. :(

Every year I make a resolution to blog more, share what I'm feeling about art and life in general, not serious armchair psychology seeking, just openness.

I'd love to have the ability to talk more about my work, to post an image and tell you everything I felt while creating it, what I want to say, where I wast to go from there and so on, because trust me, those reasons are all there. If you were here in front of me I could tell you everything! but time and time again, written words just fail me, and I think it fails my work a bit.

I think if I could present my work properly, giving an insight into why I created each piece, then... I dunno, maybe there would be more weight to it. I know when I see really beautiful pieces of work, that seem to have a lot behind them, and I see in the artist's comment "." or some other space waster, It kind of pisses me off. I expect much more from a serious artist. If anything, I feel sort of offended, like the artist doesn't see me, the viewer, as worth explaining anything to. But I also notice, the artists who do that (and I'm talking largely of DeviantART artists) are the super stellar popular people, that seem to make it their business not to interact, never to thank anyone for their attention. people that use DA just as a portfolio I suppose.

I don't think I want to be one of those artists. Granted, I'm not special, I'm not a super excellent artist by any means, but I am trying very hard to create pieces to communicate something to people. So I guess communication on a social level, be it artists comments or blogs, is important.

So, right. I am going to make a commitment to work hard at my writing skills. I don't expect it to change the world, but I think t will make a little difference, to how I present my work, and to how others see it.


^___^
Tags:

Airpot
tenshianna
ZOMG I am at the airport on the way to change my life, new country, new stress! HOOOYEAH... my tummy is all messy and I am scared DX

See Cambrdge peoples awfully soon!!! XXXXXXX

Between Worlds site pimpage
wtf
tenshianna
I just realised i forgot to actually pimp this

Juts have an external site for my bitch of a comic

click here, bookmark, win great prizes!*




Oh yeah, and can anyone lend me $15,000 for betweenworlds.com? fuckin squatters -_-










*Prizes do not exist

My Step by Step
smoky ju
tenshianna
Since I managed to save a separate file for each stop of creating the latest page for Between Worlds, I might as well post it

Photobucket

What I try to do is, get as much of the construction done in Photoshop as I can, It makes for a much better quality image, and shaves the overall time off by hours!

Then for the last few stages I sort of dance between Corel Painter and PS, gtting the surface nice and smooth, yet constantly watching the light and colour. I then take it into InDesign so that I can see all the pages together, and do the lettering. I then export each page as a seperate PDF, resize and save in PS for web, and we have a page!

The end result is as so

Photobucket

Decision
Tank Girl
tenshianna
I have made it, Im moving to England this spring. Im gonna work til then, save every penny, hand in my notice in that awful job that has me so stuck and full of despair, and I'm taking the plunge.

I feel like the system here, the lazy incompetent government who only cares about their own end has let me down, and its going to dig me deeper and deeper into helplessness and depression.

I'm not working a minimum wage job to support a useless government, that doesn't give a shit about my career or my advancement in life. That takes opportunities from me, for being hard working, and gives them to the lazy. I'm out, and I'm so excited

New year
tenshianna
So yeah, that's 2009 over with, overall.... it's been an interesting year, very transitional, although mostly a transition into limbo. I worked hard from about this time last year to get my (supposed to be) pride and joy Between Worlds started with a whole new method of thinking and working, though it sadly didn't work out very well with the printers, which meat the sacrifices I made to the story and overall length were for nothing. So that was a massive disappointment and quite the anticlimax, I'm aiming lower from now on XD.

I also finished college/Uni

Bit of another anticlimax as I have just been working at my dead end job since, nothing much has changed, no new opportunities, so I need to figure out how to change that, its a bit useless.

and, um, yeah, that's it

so, not the year I hoped for, I have to change my outlook for this next year I think. First on the list is to move out, I think my family are pulling me down quite a bit. It would be awesome to make that change.

That brings me on to my next thought, where to go? should I keep looking for a design job in Ireland, or should I bite the bullet and look in the mighty old greatest of british kingdoms? There are pros and cons to both I think, biggest one being the tax free status for freelance artists of any kind in Ireland, would I be shooting myself in the foot If I left that? On the other hand, the opportunities for decent full time graphic design jobs is far more abundant in the UK, and it'll be far easier to get to cons (depending on where I go) and perhaps snatch little freelance jobs. Its confusing enough >_<

I'll come to a conclusion soon I think

Anyway, I hope you all had a great year, and here's hoping for a great 2010!

xxx

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